Vitamin G for Giggles

Raw Therapy: Is It Helpful?

A therapist advised a client of the importance of finishing things that are started in order tofeel better about oneself. The next day thechubby raw vegan client happily reported to thetherapist, “So far today I’ve finished one square of raw tiramisu, two slices of raw carrot cake with cashew frosting, and three raw vegan chocolate truffles. I feel better already – and it’ only 9 am.

The Doctor’s Office

A guy walks into the doctor’s office. A banana stuck in one of his ears, a head of lettuce in the other ear, and a carrot stuck in one nostril. The man says, “Doc, this is terrible. What’s wrong with me?”
The doctor says, “Well, first of all, you need to eat more sensibly.”

Why did the tomato blush?
Because she saw the salad dressing.

What did the lettuce say to the celery?
Quit stalking me.

Why did the tomato get embarassed?
Cos it saw the chick pea!

Which vegetable do sailors fear most?

Why did the pepper go out with a prune?
Because he couldn’t find a date.

Why shouldn’t you tell secrets in a cornfield?
There are too many ears!

Get Your Vitamin ‘G’: Vegetarian Giggles

Why was the banana missing from the ice cream Sundae? Because the banana split.

Why did the melon cross the road? To prove it wasn’t a chicken.

How do bananas greet each other? With a banana shake.

Why did the pineapple go out with a prune? Because he couldn’t find a date.

Why did the tomato turn red? Because she saw the salad dressing.

What kind of flower looks out of place in a vase? A cauliflower.

How did the blond woman break her leg raking leaves? She fell out of the tree.

Happy is a real blond and this is her favorite blond joke: Another blond woman was driving speedily along a road when a police officer pulled her over. He asked to see her driver’s license. She fumbled in her large purse, found her wallet and discovered that her driver’s license wasn’t in it. The blond woman bobbed her head from side to side while saying, “I don’t remember if I left my license in my home at the office.” The police office rolled his eyes, and said, “Lady, I’m going to have to see some form of photo i.d.” She fumbled in her large purse again, found her compact, looked lovingly into its little mirror, then handed it to the police officer. He looked in the mirror for a spell, then slapped closed the compact and handed it back to the woman. He said, “Sorry Lady, If I’d known you were an officer, I would have never pulled you over.” (The officer was a brunette.)

What happened to the fruit-loving dog who could not bite into the organic watermelon? She became a melon collie.

What did one mildly-romantic melon say to the other? I’m sorry honey dew, I canteloupe.

Health Tip: Keep in mind that eating your lawn is more nutritious than mowing it.

Happy Recipe: Fresh Organic Lawn Juice. This is not a joke. Unsprayed weeds & grasses create a powerful cleanse.

An organic salad walks into a bar. “Sorry” says the bartender. “We don’t serve food here.”

Practice safe eating – always use *condiments. [*preferably organic, local & raw]

How to be chubby on a raw vegan diet? Be a light eater. When it gets light, start eating.

My wife is on a fruitarian diet ~ coconuts, papayas and bananas. She hasn’t lost weight, but she can now climb a tree.